26
Dec
As any of you who have known me for any length of time can attest: the holidays are not a great time for me. I have, in the past been petty about the whole affair. From the commercialization to the attitudes on shoppers the season had lost its luster for me.
Then there came the bad blood between my youngest sister and me. I will not go into that or anywhere else but suffice to say it exists. So it has been years since I was able to see my family on Christmas day or eve for that matter. Michelle’s family stresses me out even though it seems that after eight years they might have finally accepted my oldest children and me. For instance: one year her grandmother was giving people hugs before she left. She hugged on of Michelle’s brothers, looked at me, and hugeed the next person on her way out of the house. I don’t care how much they like or respect me now that behavior still hurt and not once did anyone apologize nor will they. Don’t get me wrong her brothers and Granny are great.
So why did I finally succumb to the old feelings I have fought so hard against? One may wonder…
Well in the midst of all this was always the Christmas party at Lee and Sarah’s house on Christmas eve. I have been doing that since before my oldest child was born. This year Michelle’s mom is having the family gathering on Christmas eve in the evening, I have to work, and Granny won’t even be there. So I have to work Christmas eve, not even at the office, drive 60+ miles to her mom’s house (where I won’t get to see the person I look forward to the most), and if I get there on time have Christmasb dinner, open gifts, then drive 30 miles to a party that’s halfway (if not more) over.
Christmas day we have awesome plans. (Thanks Chris!) But we are also broke so the presents the kids get to open were a shock even to me as two co-workers bought all the kids gifts. I am looking forward to Christmas dinner but after that it’s back home and a doc appointment the next day.
So it boils down to this: I have to skip most of my tradition to hang out with people who may or may not like me after working all day and I don’t get to see my family at all. The only bright spot is Christmas dinner with the Stelhorn clan.
I managed to not dread Christmas pretty much since Thanksgiving. I held it in check. That all fell apart when they told I had to work at the datacenter tomorrow. I hadn’t even been upset about missing most of the party or not seeing my family. Straw that broke the camel’s back and all that…
And baby you know I love you with everything I am but given a choice I would go to the party.
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