31
Oct
So my writer’s block has faded just a little bit and I managed to knock out a post for Comical Musings and am working on one for 9b today (don’t tell my boss). I didn’t really have any time last week to write anything up ’round these parts. But to make it up I think I will drop a comp tape today.
As far as simplifying life: the process is slower than I would like it to be but it is moving along. I have a couple of boxes in the back of my truck to drop off at the donation bin on the way home from work (my old lady was supposed to do it yesterday while she was out but apparently forgot.) I know two boxes isn’t that much but there has been cleaning and the throwing away of crap to go along with that. I think tonight I shall attack the two crates of miscellaneous computer drek.
Anyway that’s it for now…
Today was a good day. I slept in a little bit and the kids didn’t burn the house down. Got up and spent some time with the heathens. Had the sone and heir make chili dogs to eat while we watched the Texans give the Titans a well needed beat down. The rest of the day was all relaxing and screwing around on the computer until dinner. I cooked lentils with ham for me and Michelle and the kids had sandwiches. Then I got to spend some time with the son and heir and the second in line to the throne watching Alphas. I made lunch to take to work for the next three days and now it’s just me and SAMCRO before bed.
I know this isn’t the in depth introspection I have been posting but some days you just don’t want to get inside your own head. Instead you just sit back and watch the laughing children, pull them apart when the try kill each other and otherwise just enjoy the simple fact that you are breathing. Some days simplicity finds you. You just have to know when to get out of its way. Today was one of those days and I did.
This should be less of a book than some of my recent posts. Mainly because nothing is really weighing on me at the moment. Sure I am thinking about ways to further simplify my life, work is happening, family things are going on, and more but I don’t have anything scratching on the inside of my skull begging to be let out. In fact that is the problem. I have three albums I want to write about for 9b, two graphic novels and one series of comic books for Comical Musings and some topical things I want to write about on here. I just can’t seem to find the words to do any of it. I don’t feel pressured to do these things, I actually want to do them and I can’t, for the life of me, seem to make the words come together and convey what I want them to.
As strange as it might sound I tnink this could be work related. Not in a bad way but rather a really weird way. I have this problem I am working on at the office that doesn’t make one bit of sense. It has everyone banging their heads on their desks. I have never had a technical problem give me writer’s block before and it is what I do every day so it is a little strange that it might cause a problem. It is the only thing that makes any sense even with as little sense as it makes.
So I was hoping that writing about it might help but all I seem to keep coming back to is that problem at work. If that’s the block maybe I can get past it on Monday. If it’s not then this little attempt at using writing as therapy for not being able to write is just me whining about not being able to write. Either way I did manage some words on the screen that conveyed what I wanted them to.
16
Oct
So in my search to simplify my life I have been thinking about my online life as well. It is a lot more complex than it needs to be. Right now I maintain some of presence on a wide range of sites even beyond social networking sites. Mind you this is just my personal life and none of the work related stuff that I do. In short I have been making a list of everywhere on the web that could be seen as a responsibility, if you use the word loosely, and coming up with thoughts about each one. I figured I’d post the and my thoughts here so I have a point of reference.
First off I have this little corner of the web where I can post lengthy pieces wherein I pontificate and ruminate on various topics. The length of my posts is generally longer than what is allowed in a Facebook post. Even with my absences at various times I have an established presence here that I wouldn’t have any other place. Through various iterations this blog has been around longer than most of my children and due to that I do have some emotional attachment to this particular virtual establishment. In the end I would probably give up everything else before I let go of this URL and this server. Then there is the fact that I have complete control of this site and it is my leased server. So I will keep this around and actually try to write more. Of course I think I mentioned this in my first post back after my recent and extended absence.
Read more
The easiest way to explain is to start with some lyrics:
Tim Barry – Thing Of The Past
Two weeks without alcohol ain’t hard Oh hell life ain’t all it’s supposed to be I like to get high as a mountain When I’m crumblin’ to my knees Well if these wrinkles they are proof of age See that’s not how it’s supposed to be I like to get high as a mountain When I’m crumblin’ to my knees Small, talk that shit Well I’m growin’ gray and I’m gettin’ old This is not what it’s supposed to be I like to get high as a mountain Pacing chain store floors for identity.
If it weren’t for these goddamn scars and memories and hell that helps me sleep
I cannot focus if I don’t rest
And If I ain’t doin’ nothin’, lord, then I get depressed
So here’s to raisin’ hell and livin’ cheap
Walkin’ floors and worryin’
Behind locked doors avoiding friends you hardly see
I’ve lived and learned and lord I’ve made it back
I’ve fought three at once and they whooped my ass
But livin’s better when taking chances constantly
And all that shit they talk, it don’t mean a thing to me
We are all mixed up in this landscape
Huddled in the shade
Searching chain store shelves for identity
Then read of all these single days
Of learnin’ who is who, and what is what
See man, some may show a mask or two
And base their lives on havin’ more than you
Man, that life must be lonely as fuck
Lappin’ up commodities With money that you don’t have or even see
I’ve lived and learned and lord I made it back
I want nothin‘, that’s still all I have
It’s not what you make or do It’s how you’re livin’
And all that shit they talk, it don’t mean a thing to me
We are all mixed up in this landscape
Huddled in the shade
Searching chain store shelves for identity
But that don’t mean I do what I’m told
In fact I’ve opted out, I’ve given up
See man, money is a thing of the past
You spend it once, and it don’t come back
So says Reverend Bobby Joe Small So that’s whats up
Walkin’ floors and worryin’
It’s about life and love and family and thinkin’ free
I’ve been lit up before and I’ve bounced right back
Made mistakes and I’ve learned to laugh
Tonight I’m gettin’ drunk and simply livin’
When I’m crumblin’ to my knees
And all that shit they talk, it don’t mean a thing to me
We are all mixed up in this landscape
Huddled in the shade
Searching chain store shelves for identity
I am weary of things. Sure I love my stuff and all that but I sincerely doubt I truly appreciate any of it. I have way too much of it to truly appreciate it. Gadgets all around, constantly connected, never out of touch. Some of that is honestly just my life as I do have a career in IT but I do think I could pare down quite a bit and not shed a tear. But where do I start? It is not like I don’t take time to read or enjoy things but I want more of that and less of what of I have. To top it off it’s not just electronics. I have a ton of crap. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what all of it is.
At one point in my life I could fit everything that mattered to me in a hatchback. That was simplicity to be sure. I couldn’t possibly get back to that. Hell I couldn’t fit my all of my kids in to a hatchback. But there has got to be a point somewhere in between my possessions then and now. I am sure of it. It makes me sick when I think about how attached I am to all of my crap and will pass that on to my kids. So therein lies the base reason I need to simplify. There are more but listing them all out seems kind of, I don’t know, pointless…
I have felt this way for a while and at times have culled little bits of my crap but never enough. I just don’t know where to start to keep it going. I need to rid myself of all the bullshit trinkets that don’t mean anything, the clothes that don’t fit, the crates of computer parts that I might need one day (I never will), and so much more. I need a plan but I don’t even know where to start making that. In other words my life is so complicated that I struggle to even begin to simplify it.
I was hoping that writing about this would help me figure out where to start but that didn’t happen. I need to spend a lot of time thinking about this and not let it slip away. I’ll let you know if I figure anything out but for now it is just a desire that needs shape and form.
