The bell curve explanation would go a long way to explaining why Michelle always, every single time, goes two to three weeks past her ultrasound-based due date. A blighted ovum would mean there is no baby. But we don’t know. Even after blood work on last Wednesday and Friday we still don’t know because the tests were inconclusive. Now you would think this would be driving Michelle crazy but it’s really not but it is driving me right out of my tiny little mind. There’s a possible problem and I can do nothing to find out if it really is a problem much less to fix it and worse yet it is affecting my wife. I want to yank what little hair I have out by the roots and run stark raving naked through the halls at work screaming like a mad fiend. Of course I can’t do that so I am stuck in this limbo of not knowing and today’s promise of some kind of answer turned into being in the same state of not knowing as before. For me the problem is that I am reading stories of women who were diagnosed with this that chose to let nature take its course and as late as 12 weeks a baby showed up so even an ultrasound with no baby tomorrow doesn’t mean we have an answer. So I may stuck in the little world of crazy for a while yet.

I can handle either answer. I didn’t want another baby. Well I did but I didn’t but that’s not for this post. But I accepted this, seeing the look on the faces of the clan children, and had progressed to being excited about it. If it turns out to be a blighted ovum I will disappointed but not heartbroken and if we are having a baby then I finally get my ginger girl. What I can’t handle is not knowing.

The upshot right now is that the doctor is amazing. He managed to make us both comfortable in all five minutes. He doesn’t act like I don’t exist, which pisses me off about the whole medical community when it comes to birth, and is very confident in his speech and demeanor. He said, without us asking, that he prefers to do as little as possible to insure a healthy mom and baby, he allows VBAC (which is why we are seeing him as this will be VBA2C for Michelle) and is a Christian. I know I don’t oft talk about that here but it’s important in this situation as both Michelle and I are opposed to abortion and one of the things he said was “We have to make sure because one thing I don’t do is interrupt pregnancy”. While I wouldn’t be as comfortable with a doctor that didn’t hold the same beliefs as us this is a very important thing because it means he won’t pressure Michelle to do anything she doesn’t want to do. Even if he decides it’s a blighted ovum she has the option of letting her body take care of it naturally so we will never have a question in our minds and that’s important.

In closing that’s why I haven’t been posting. I didn’t know what to say and we don’t want the kids knowing anything just yet. So if you read this, know my kids, and happen to speak them then don’t say anything to them or you risk getting me pretty mad. Just say a prayer for us and pray there’s a baby on the ultrasound tomorrow because if there isn’t I am still stuck in limbo slowly going insane.

While I am relaxing and getting some well needed mental floss I see that the Chicago machine goes to Washington has resorted to outright strongarm tactics to try and get their doomed healthcare plan to pass. While they accuse the Republicans of being partisan out of one side of their mouth the other side is telling their own part members that if they vote against this bill the President won’t campaign for them! I think there’s a pot calling and it appears to be for the kettle in the White House. Wow Political Correctness has really run amok. I almost didn’t use that phrase because it might be considered racist. If it is: So be it. But I digress. So the White House is applying typical Chicago politics to try and get on-the-fence members of their party to sacrifice their careers while public opinion of the bill, the methods, and the whole of the White House dips lower and lower. While I don’t approve of this so-called health care reform, or any other at the federal level, I am highly amused at the process. At this point they are using tactics that might even go against SCOTUS rulings and be enough off the farm that the whole bill gets struck down without ever going into effect. The Democrats are throwing people under the bus on an almost daily basis and Pelosi’s suicide squad likely won’t even gather enough votes to pass this. We’ll have to wait and see but at least the circus is amusing. And, hey, the nation gets to see how they do it in Chicago.

The more I learn about church politics, not churches being political but politics internal to churches, in restoration movement churches the more I am convinced we have failed to restore anything. We don’t operate anything like the first church much less like a family. When a church board is all businessmen and they run the church like a business the only thing I can think about is Christ’s reaction to moneychangers in the temple. The church members are not customers of the church and if we treat them like such we practice not charity, longsuffering, or any other good quality mentioned in the New Testament. That venerable rabbi we claim to follow would have been appalled at the modern church especially at Western church with our seeker-friendly branches, our complete and utter lack of unity, our backbiting, and so much more then we top off the slap in the face to everything Christ taught by having businesses masquerading as churches. As time passes I become more and more disillusioned with the whole of Protestant churches and look toward the East and Orthodoxy. I am not there yet. I remain unconvinced on the one single verse necessary for me to convert. Who knows, an epiphany could be just around the corner.

Well that’s what was on my mind this morning along with Austin traffic sucking almost as bad a Houston and the former’s drives being worse in the rain that the latter with a few sprinklings of excitement while poring over the artist directory for #sxsw.

So if you are in Austin drop me a note and we’ll hook up. I may even let you buy me a drink or a taco. Remember to follow the whole 9b crew through our Austin adventures. You can find us here:

Me:
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(I don’t bother with facebook much so I am not linking my profile here)

AutopsyIV:
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Kasey Anderson:
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And of course whatever we manage to actually post to ninebullets.net.

Be sure and hit up our party tomorrow night as well!

Don’t sweat the medium stuff! What I mean by that is don’t let things like I did this week make you feel like your life is out of control. I made a commitment to myself to post three times a week and on specific topics. This week that didn’t happen and while I wish that it had I am alright with prevented it from happening. Sometimes life happens and you will just have to roll with it. I rolled with it this week and will when it happens again. I don’t say “if” because I have met me and I know it will. Make sure to acknowledge that life will throw you curve balls and don’t allow you happiness to rely on perfection because you ain’t perfect and don’t know anyone who is.

Since I am writing this on my cell phone I am going to end this missive here so I don’t get thumb cramps. I’ll toss up some pics of Seamus hooked into the EEG later on. Have a great weekend y’all.

First: some history on how we have always treated Christmas in the Potter household. I have never told my children there was a Santa Claus. We play the myth and even give gifts from Santa but we always stressed that it is just fantasy. The older children have even been known to correct adults on the subject. (I have no idea where they got the idea that they should correct people!) We do read Santa stories and enjoy the game but it has always been known to be fantasy. The oldest three are certain there is no Santa, the middle child is pretty sure there is despite what we have said, the three year old is unsure of may things including the reality of Santa and the youngest two are not of age to really believe in anything much.

Today I have decided to change how we deal with Santa. I did so after reading this article by Tony. Here’s a brief snippet:

I know Caleb and his brothers will figure out the Santa secret eventually, but I’m with Chesterton in resisting the elevation of science and reason to the exclusion of magic, of mystery, of faith. That’s why I’m not giving up on Santa without a fight. Not everything we believe, I explain to Caleb, can be proved (or disproved) by science. We believe in impossible things, and in unseen things, beginning with our own souls and working outward. It’s a delicate thing, preparing him to let go of Santa without simultaneously embracing the notion that only what can be detected by the five senses is real.

Tony hits me twice in this article with men I respect and turn to when the mysteries inherent in Christianty have my spinning: GK Chesterton and CS Lewis so he gets points on that alone. His reasoning behind not killing the myth for your children hit me like a brick. I had never thought about Santa from angle in which he is presented by Tony and I found myself in agreement. My lovely wife pointed out that we don’t tell the children that their imaginary friends (or in Sinead’s case “madge friends”) aren’t real. While Michelle doesn’t necessarily agree with me on the Santa decision she is willing to walk down this road with me (that alone is worth mentioning because she is always willing to go down whatever road I choose) (Or maybe she is just willing to give me enough rope to hang myself).

I have called the oldest three over and let them know we won’t be correcting the youngest four on the subject anymore and used the beautiful example of imaginary friends with them. They all agreed and next year there will be much Santa myth in the Potter household.

I told Michelle that if they asked that we wouldn’t lie. That we would answer completely honestly: Santa Claus is the anthropomorphization of the Christmas Spirit. Her only caveat was that if one of our children and pronounce “anthropomophization” that we would just go ahead and tell them the truth. Otherwise the simple explanation is that “Santa is the Spirit of Christmas” when they can’t grasp the whole concept of anthropomorphization. I think it’s a good caveat if only because I will get to hear at least four of my beautiful children pronounce anthropomorphization.

As an aside and only related tangentially: Ever since I learned about the real Saint Nicholas – Bishop of Myra the scene Tony Mentions: Father Christmas appears in Narnia as the White Witch’s spell is breaking: “‘I’ve come at last,’” says Santa. “‘She has kept me out for a long time, but I have got in at last.’” I don’t see a jolly fellow dressed in red with a belly full of jelly. I see the same grim determination that must have been on his face as he crossed a room in 325 to slap the heretic Arius across the face. I see that scene as a triumph and the man making that statement as a man who had never given up trying to get into Narnia after the White Witch cast he awful spell. I don’t know, it just seems right to me.

And the last aside is thus: Many of my friends either commented on my note publicly, sent me private messages, or called me. Normally this has little effect on the Mark-Potter-Patented-Christmas-Funk-That-May-Be-Worse-Than-Tom’s but this year some of your words actually made a difference. This year I was pulled back from the brink. Not soon enough to kill some of my wife’s joy (and for that I am sorry) during our attendance of her family’s Christmas Eve event but enough to bring me back from the brink prior to Christmas Eve being over. You may never all know who you are but I am grateful. I have wonderful friends and a wonderful family. Thank you all and I hope that you all had an amazing Christmas I know I did.

Then there came the bad blood between my youngest sister and me. I will not go into that or anywhere else but suffice to say it exists. So it has been years since I was able to see my family on Christmas day or eve for that matter. Michelle’s family stresses me out even though it seems that after eight years they might have finally accepted my oldest children and me. For instance: one year her grandmother was giving people hugs before she left. She hugged on of Michelle’s brothers, looked at me, and hugeed the next person on her way out of the house. I don’t care how much they like or respect me now that behavior still hurt and not once did anyone apologize nor will they. Don’t get me wrong her brothers and Granny are great.

So why did I finally succumb to the old feelings I have fought so hard against? One may wonder…

Well in the midst of all this was always the Christmas party at Lee and Sarah’s house on Christmas eve. I have been doing that since before my oldest child was born. This year Michelle’s mom is having the family gathering on Christmas eve in the evening, I have to work, and Granny won’t even be there. So I have to work Christmas eve, not even at the office, drive 60+ miles to her mom’s house (where I won’t get to see the person I look forward to the most), and if I get there on time have Christmasb dinner, open gifts, then drive 30 miles to a party that’s halfway (if not more) over.

Christmas day we have awesome plans. (Thanks Chris!) But we are also broke so the presents the kids get to open were a shock even to me as two co-workers bought all the kids gifts. I am looking forward to Christmas dinner but after that it’s back home and a doc appointment the next day.

So it boils down to this: I have to skip most of my tradition to hang out with people who may or may not like me after working all day and I don’t get to see my family at all. The only bright spot is Christmas dinner with the Stelhorn clan.

I managed to not dread Christmas pretty much since Thanksgiving. I held it in check. That all fell apart when they told I had to work at the datacenter tomorrow. I hadn’t even been upset about missing most of the party or not seeing my family. Straw that broke the camel’s back and all that…

And baby you know I love you with everything I am but given a choice I would go to the party.

Son the third just wandered up to me while I was sitting here tapping out some notes for my training materials. I was getting ready to tell him to go on and play because I am busy when he smiled and said “I love you daddy”, reached up his arms and gave me a hug and kiss. What you have to understand about son the third is that he doesn’t just give a little peck. He places his kisses very carefully and if you are, for instance, walking out the door to go to work and lean over and give him a quick peck he doesn’t have time to get his placement. You have to let him pick where on your cheek he’s going to kiss and then wait for the kiss. Sometimes all it takes is a hug and kiss to make all the stress melt away. That and his constant smiles make going out of town a real bitter experience.

I am starting to not like the out of town stuff at all as I miss my family too much. But that’s another discussion.

I also need to mention “Daddy whatever you cook is my favorite food ever” courtesy of son the third as well.

I started cleaning the yard up today only to realize I need a chainsaw. I am going to find some braces and try to get up the whole piece of fence that came down but there is nothing I can do for the front corner at this point. The landlord informed me that his deductible for wind and storm damage is 4k so he won’t get any help with any of the clean up of rebuilding the fence. He has been amazing to us so I am handling the cleanup and most likely rebuilding the fence. Even with only about an eighth of the front fence down the whole thing will need to be replaced since the 4x4s are rotted at the ground. It will be a fun project to rebuild the fence I think. I need the physical activity anyway.

I am off to replace the deader than dead iPod because I honestly cannot be without music while I travel and I am doing a lot of it right now. Then Home Depot for some sort of braces to hold the fence up while I get time to deal with replacing it.