It has been a busy little while. Work is busy and fulfilling while maddening and crazy. Family life is getting ramped up to insane with school starting for us again. It’s just been crazy. Since the last time I posted I threw a birthday shindig for myself with Revolt .45, Micah Schnabel, and Austin Lucas on the bill, worked over 100 hours in the two weeks following moving our entire datacenter from one location to another, spent some time laid up in bed, and generally didn’t have time to sit down and collect my thoughts. Right now I am up way too late as my brother fixes my air conditioner, which turned out to be no small feat, which is the first step in remodeling our broken home. I have vowed to stop spending money like a sailor fresh in port and start buckling down, fixing my credit rating, fixing up the house, and generally making life better. There’s a lot to be done. I had tried and failed to simplify my life and that’s back on the table as well but I think it won’t start with physical things as much as it will relationships and focus.
I think Tim Barry says it best at the beginning of this song:
I guess it’s time for some end of summer house cleaning. I have a lot to sort out over the next little while and I may or may not reason it out here. I have some sitting down and talking with some folks to do before I make any final decisions but those are necessary steps. I doubt anyone in my life will be surprised by anything that comes of this. I am too old for a lot of things these days…
I did take almost all of July off of Facebook and now that I am back on I don’t spend even half the time on there that I used to and it feels pretty good. I never did write as much here as I wanted to but that’s how it fell in to place. I also still write for 9B and Comical Musings but not nearly often enough. I have rolled back my own expectations and realized I am not a journalist but rather an opinionator, if you will, and as such I only feel compelled to write when I have strong feelings about something. So my writing isn’t as prolific as I’d like but maybe that’s due to the subject matter and not me. I don’t know but I am not going to fret about it.
I think I am about done for tonight. I am spent but in a good way. It’s time to lay my head on a pillow and slip off in to nothing.
For years I didn’t understand boys’ or girls’ nights out. This especially went for married couples. Why would you want to go somewhere that your spouse wasn’t technically allowed to go? What purpose could it serve other than to divide? Why would you need time away from your significant other and if you actually needed that time wouldn’t it better to work on your relationship rather than to go out with guys or gals? I really didn’t get the concept at all. I still don’t in fact but I do know that it serves a purpose. I know this because a couple of weeks a go I talked some of my friends, a couple of married guys, in to a weekly boys night out (it remains to be seen whether it will actually stay a weekly event or move to bi-weekly) and it was cathartic. These are not friends that I don’t get to see often. In fact, the initial group consists of the two guys who are the hairier halves of the couples that Michelle and I hang out with the most.
I can’t explain why it was so refreshing or why it brought me the clarity that it that. I would have expected it to swing a little the other way since our boys’ night currently consists of going to a bar and all that entails. We drink, smoke, and play the jukebox, and generally talk about whatever is on our minds. To me, as I write this, it doesn’t seem that much different than a normal night out save the fact it’s just those of us with external dangly bits; however, the fact is that the outcome is different. Sure a normal night out is relaxing and fun, I could almost argue that I have more “fun” with Michelle around, but for some reason that I can’t define this is different. When I say I can’t define why it’s different I really mean it. I have no clue at all. I have made some observations but most of those are in relation to my original position on the boys’/girls’ night out.
First and foremost I have realized that this isn’t about me spending time away from Michelle but rather spending time with myself. I am not sure that makes a lot of sense and it sounds kind of hokey to me but, at present, that’s most clear language I can use to describe it. I used to go out without Michelle a lot because she didn’t drink and with her social anxiety she didn’t like being around a lot of people she didn’t know. Now she goes with me just about everywhere and that’s awesome as far as I am concerned and I wouldn’t want to change that at all. We go to shows, bars, friends’ houses for game nights and so on. Most of our entertainment is spent together by design and we both like it that way. So why do I enjoy boys’ night so much? It’s not like there’s a filter I use when I am around Michelle that I let down when I am out without her. If you know me outside of the intertubes you know that I say what’s on my mind and generally don’t filter anything. So being out with the boys doesn’t give me a chance to act differently and I can assure you that I don’t. We don’t talk about things that we don’t talk about at other times and locations. The guys involved right now are already two of my best friends and have been for better than two decades so it’s not some getting to know my friends better sort of deal. The reason for the overall effect is an enigma to me.
What I do know is that after both of these boys’ nights that we have had so far I have been more clear headed, more productive at work, and more relaxed in general than I was before and moreso than when I go out with Michelle and we do the things that we normally do. I certainly don’t want to change out usual activities but I think adding in this middle of the week boys’ night makes a difference. Luckily for me, my old lady is on board and is happy that I have discovered this little sanctuary, so to speak. I have suggested that she plan a girls’ night with her friends but that hasn’t gone anywhere yet but I really hope it does. While I can’t explain the psychological reasons that boys’ night does anything at all for I know that it does and I know that I am looking forward to it tonight. Of course I don’t have to work tomorrow so tonight’s boys’ night may be a little more, shall we say, wet than the last two. There’s a jukebox waiting for my dollars, a bottle with my name on it, and a bartender waiting for my tips. Maybe it’s the simple ritual of men meeting, maybe it’s some esoteric ideal, maybe it’s all bunk and maybe the reason doesn’t matter at all but whatever it is happens tonight!
If you want to meet up with us then send me a text and I’ll give you the location. This isn’t some exclusive club and I am interested in seeing if this is a “the more the merrier” sort of thing or if there really is bond between the guys doing this that causes the effects I have seen so far. So text me and become part of the experiment.
So I have been thinking a lot lately about wanting to write more but instead I end up posting a quick link on Facebook and moving on to something else. Every once in a while this sparks a conversation but for the most part it’s just tossing out random ideas and snippets. I sort of feel like I never get to finish a thought before the next one has taken over. This is, at least I think it is, because I am overloaded with social networking and have let it become my primary outlet. Now don’t get me wrong here, I like social networking but I think I need to detox a little bit. I want to write here and write more than I do on social networking. When I see a piece of interesting news I want to ponder it, form an opinion based on evidence, and then possibly post something here. So in order to see if this actually part of the problem, however large or small, I have decided to take the month of July off of from social networking. No Facebook. No twitter. No Google+. Now this little site automatically posts links to FB and has some comment integration so maybe it won’t be a complete disconnect but I won’t be signing in to any of those sites.
I am not sure if this will help. I am not sure if I will be able to go the whole month, being the curious bastard that I am. But I am sure I need to at least give this a shot. I need to get some of the passion back in different aspects of my writing and I am hoping this is the first step towards that. I have had some ideas percolating for a while but never seem to find the time to get them sorted in to something coherent. Maybe the snippets of time I won’t be spending perusing everyone else’s lives will give me that little bit of extra time that I need. Maybe it won’t do anything for my writing and end up being just a test of willpower. Maybe it will be something else entirely. Whatever it is I figure it’ll end up being better than the status quo. I have to shake things up somehow.
I am doing this for the same reasons I have started doing a boys’ night out with a couple of friends. I didn’t have any time for me at all. Since Michelle started enjoying going out and being social I have ended up with no personal time. Now that was a hard one to figure out. How do you come to the conclusion that you need time away from your wife? The simple answer is that it has nothing to do with her. I love going out with her and we really enjoy ourselves. My conclusion was that I needed time for me and while we enjoy going out together, me needing some time for me doesn’t reflect on that at all. Hell it’s not even about it being at a bar but rather about it being time set aside specifically for me. I didn’t realize how much I need that.
I am doing this for the same reason I got a little froggy at the bar the other weekend and tried get two different guys to puff up their chests. I have a lack of challenge in my life right now. No everything is not perfect. No I haven’t made all the changes I want to make. The fact is that it’s all on track and when it gets off course we correct it and keep going. We have a workable plan to get the house fixed up. We have a workable plan to get Michelle her Honda Pilot. We have a workable plan to get my truck fixed. My job, while enjoyable, consists of things I am good at and while that is satisfying in its own right it doesn’t challenge me very much.
All of these things add up to some kind of something missing. I am not entirely sure what it is but it seems to me that I am missing an outlet that I used to not only love but rely on for various things. Writing here challenges me to think things through. Writing about music challenges me to go outside of my comfort zone and experience new things. Writing about comic books challenges me to not forget that there are crazy and wonderful things out there in the world. So this is one more thing that I need that I have neglected. Not all of those things are related to social networking really but it seems to be one things that takes up an inordinate amount of time with not a whole lot of return. I know that after July, regardless of it goes, that I will spend less time on social networking and hopefully more time taking care of the things in my life that I need to take care of.
Well I will sign off for now and herd my heathens to bed. I hope the few of my readers that left have a great evening.
I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. One of them is why I don’t post more stuff here. I post links of FB so why don’t I write more articles here? This is easily answerable in a single word: overload. What I mean is that we, and by we I mean me, receive so much information constantly that taking the time to ponder anything is a rarity. With all of the information constantly delivered to us by every device around us, even screens in the elevator here at work, taking the time to sit and think is becoming more and more rare. This is a damn shame. So along with all the other things I will fail at this year I want to make a concerted effort to take the time to think about things. To reason some things out. To actually write about things that mean something to me.
Slowing down is never easy and usually by the time I am slowing down I need something like the damn TV to shut my brain off just so I can go to sleep. I think that getting back on my ADD meds will really help this. The meds haven’t been necessary for work, although it’s getting to that point again, but I do think they will help me with my other goals such as simplifying my life, which is still a work in progress. I am actually following through to completion these days without much of an effort. But the brain still works in overtime.
So as I try to take time for the things I want to do I also have to make sure to have time for the things I must do. This balance is something I have never been good at no matter what. I seem to do one or the other but have decided that it’s time to fix that little issue. This really isn’t a promise to post more here but rather that when I do it will be more of what it is. More thought put in to the writing, more logic applied, less ranting (not that a good rant isn’t cathartic or necessary once in a while) and in general hopefully easier to follow.
Have fun storming the castle…
Yeah I couldn’t come up with a catchier title so that’ll have to do for now.
So I had a little exchange with someone I have known for quite the long time and it didn’t go well. The guy is really quite out there and I have always known that but his, for lack of a better word, tolerance for opinions that differ from his has apparently found its limits. Mind you I wasn’t espousing anything crazy. In fact it was quite the opposite. I was mocking a website dedicated to chemtrails, the NWO, and air elementals (Sylphs). Yes you read that right: air elementals. Apparently I made the mistake of using the words “tin-foil hat” and that set old boy off. I tried to be cordial and non-confrontational but it was to no avail. I was unfriended (oh the horror) and told to “Fuck off”. Now I am not writing this post to bitch about the other person involved mostly because I am glad to rid of him and I’ll get to that in a minute. I am really writing this post because I am done with trying to reason with unreasonable people. No hard feelings but if you are a 9/11 truther, believe that the government is using commercial jets to spray the population with chemicals to help the NWO do population control, think that Zionists either control the world already or are trying to, that David Icke shouldn’t be locked up for his own good, believe that the federal reserve is part of a NWO plot, or hell believe that there’s a NWO to begin with and whole slew of other whacked out conspiracy theories then please don’t bring them up around me. I don’t want to lose any good friends over this but if you have allowed yourself to be deluded by the espousers of any of the above or anything resembling any one of them then you need clinical help. At some point I may expand this list to include folks who claim the Catholic church is the Whore of Babylon and other crazy religious beliefs but I think keeping it to politics is enough for now.
Yes I am being mildly offensive with saying that some people need clinical help but sometimes the truth is harsh. Plain and simple. I try to be a skeptic but I also try to be a logical and critical thinker. If you consider the odds of any given conspiracy theory being kept anything near secret then you really must suspend disbelief in order to believe in pretty much any of them. They fall so far out of the range of rational thought that it is just outrageous. Hell there are plenty of conspiracy theories that line up with my world view to a large degree but after you get past the first level they just become unreasonable and impossible to believe.
I have seen some folks I thought were intelligent people begin espousing some these theories recently and it has just made me sad. Now I am not asking you to change your beliefs. I respect your right to believe any insane thing you want to believe. But please don’t bring it up around me or try to prove any of these whacked out theories to me. After my little exchange on FB with the previously referenced old friend I have decided that my life will be much simpler if I just walk away at the first mention of any key buzzwords, for the record that includes Alex Jones and usually Michael Savage, and not bother trying to convince the folks drinking the kool-aid. I want to say I am sorry if this offends any of my friends but all I am asking you to do is keep the crazy to yourself.
So watch this and enjoy the rest of your day:
Maybe I should come up with an actual list of buzzwords and publish it here to help out other people…